Wind Beneath My Wings
by Kazie Solo
Summary: They say it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Yet it is far better to have loved and lost and to have told the one you love how you truly feel. The Son brothers have a little hearttoheart, mantoman talk.


_I don't really know what I was thinking when I wrote this fic. All I thought of was writing a Son brothers fic with a lot of angst. Anyway, the lyrics used in this fic are from the song "Wind Beneath My Wings" by Bette Midler, as the title implies. And yes, beware. I have weird thoughts and insane ideas, so... there._

_And yes, this is dedicated to my __Oneechan Dani__, who I love a lot, a lot more than words and MSN hearts could express. Thank you very much for everything; you're just awesome. You're the closest thing I have to a biological older sister, and I'm so honored that you decided to adopt me in the first place. *grins*_

_*bows and walks off*_

**Wind Beneath My Wings  
**© Kaz, 2003

"Hey," Gohan's soft voice broke into the light-deprived room of his younger brother, Goten, sending echoes all over the spacious chamber. A short heartbeat later, the demi-saiyajin stepped in stealthily, careful not to disturb the younger Son on whatever he was doing. He looked around, trying to adjust his vision as the cloak of darkness swallowed him, not intending to turn on the lights at all. If his brother liked the darkness, then he would let him enjoy it.

Then, he sat down at the foot of Goten's bed, and sat down in silence. He did not say a word for a few moments, allowing the tranquility to spread between them --- and not really knowing why he wanted it so. After what seemed to be a very long time, he shited his position to face his companion, his soft onyx eyes overflowing with regret, and he began the speech he had prepared, the speech that he meant to deliver many moons ago.

But he missed his chance then, so he decided that it was better late then never. "I know you're mad at me, Goten," he pointed out in a soft, distant tone, almost as if he wasn't there, that he was relying on the morning breeze to deliver his message. He wasn't even looking at who he was talking to, who chose to say nothing.

The older demi-saiyajin's eyes stung with unshed tears, but he forced himself to continue, nonetheless. He missed his chance once; he wasn't going to miss it again. "And I know how stupid I had been. I made so many mistakes, yes, but there's one that will forever be etched in my memory. The mistake... of not telling you how much you truly mean to me." He paused, swallowing the painful lump that crept up to his throat. He wasn't the prideful kind who would have troubles in admitting his feelings, but somehow... it was just difficult.

"You were always there. You supported me in everything I did. And sometimes, even if the credit was supposed to be yours, you didn't take it. You were always unassuming. Submissive, passive. Humble. _Too_ humble, in fact." A painful grin brightened up the demi-saiyajin's face, along with the tears that glistened in his raven eyes. "I appreciate it, Goten. Really. I might not have shown you how much I do, but I appreciate it, very much."

**It must have been cold there in my shadow,  
To never have sunlight on your face.  
You were content to let me shine --- that's your way,  
You always walked a step behind...**

Slowly, he turned to look at his brother, who was sitting at the opposite end of the bed, unmoving. Despite the darkness, he could see the aura that had always blazed from his little brother's soul. Pure. There wasn't a trace of anger, not a trace of hatred or hostility. There was only love, unconditional love. And sadness.

The sight made Gohan's heart wrench painfully. He opened his mouth to speak, to comfort the lonely soul, yet he could not find the words to express what he truly felt. He could not find the words to give the other the assurance that he would be there for him when he would be needed, because he knew he wouldn't be there. He had always failed him.

And yet, there Goten was, not saying a word, not moving a muscle. At peace with the darkness and the silence that, the older Son thought, had been his ally for the eighteen years of his life. Eighteen years of pain, loneliness and sadness, brought about by circumstances that could not be avoided. The young man was practically shoved aside, ignored, and taken for granted --- and his big brother did not deny that.

**So I was the one with all the glory,  
While you were the one with all the strain...**

"I'm really sorry for all that I've done," came Gohan's apologetic voice, his eyes locked on the other's raven ones. He clamped his hand into a fist, angry at himself for being so stupid, for being so indifferent. For not giving his little brother the credit he deserved. How much suffering did the eighteen-year-old went through? He grew up without a father for years. When their father returned, he was pulled and forced to take part in a great war, the duty of saving the world thrust to his fragile shoulders at the death of their comrades, and after going through a hard battle with his eight-year-old best friend, he got killed.

He was only seven then.

When the strife was over, when they were all wished back to life by the dragonballs, they resumed normal lives. Yet he felt left out --- and he _was_ left out. Their father paid much more attention to the older sibling, the son he had known for many years. Things grew worse when the older Son got married and had a daughter; their father's attention, even that of their mother's, was diverted to her.

When he was seventeen, he lost in the Tenkaichi Budokai, a martial arts tournament that was supposed to determine the strongest fighters in the world --- against his four-year-old niece. But that wasn't the most painful blow yet. During the duration of the competition, their father encountered a powerful fighter, a potential hero, and all of a sudden, the great Son Goku decided to train the kid, leaving without so as much as a goodbye.

At the age of eighteen, he entered Orange Star High School, but was always compared to his older brother, who was the smartest student to have ever set foot there. They wondered why he did not get perfect in their entrance exams, when his brother managed to do get full marks on all subjects. They wondered why he got C's and D's, when his brother never got anything under an A+. And every time he would arrive home with a failing mark, his mother would scold him, and wonder why he wasn't like his brother.

His best friend had not been hanging out with him much, as he got himself a little sister, a cute little girl with blue-green hair and blue eyes that was so much like her mother's. His girlfriend ditched him after only a week of being together, with the reason that he wasn't cool enough.

And yet, he continued to smile.

Gohan was then snapped out of his thoughts as the younger demi-saiyajin turned his head to the side slightly to face his brother... and_ smiled_. The smile he had been flashing for as long as they could remember, the smile he had been known for. After all, there was nobody who was capable of smiling like Son Goten could. Cheerful. Goofy. Contagious.

_Sad_.

**A beautiful face without a name for so long,  
A beautiful smile to hide the pain...**

The found himself smiling back, then he shook his head. His little brother was at it again. "Goten," he began with a whisper, tears freely falling from his ebony eyes. "I love you and I always will. I may never have told you, I may never have showed you, but deep inside my heart, I really do. You have to believe me. Please believe me."

His eyes were sad. _"I believe you."_

_No, you don't,_ Gohan snapped, frustrated. How would he make him see? How would he prove to him that he was telling the truth? He glanced around, hoping to find something that would help him convince his little brother, when his gaze rested on a picture frame that was on the floor, apparently broken. He bent down, picked it up, and the pain that was flowing through him doubled.

It was his picture, and he was wearing the green Saiyaman costume which was thought to be ridiculous by everyone, even by his wife, Videl. Everyone except Goten, his loyal little brother, the person who stayed up late with him to come up with battlecries that would drive his foes away. And written at the bottom of the picture, with the use of a black marker, were the words:

_Oniichan, the wind beneath my wings._

_"Wings that were just not capable of flying too high," _Goten explained from where he sat, his eyes focused on the brother who had been his hero for as long as he could remember. He sounded distant and tired, yet the smile on his pale, handsome features remained. _"Yet I flew, to the best of my capability. You held me up, Oniichan. You held me up. Thank you."_

"But I would be nothing without you, Goten. Nothing without you," the older Son objected, standing up to face his only sibling. "When Otousan died during the Cell Games, I wanted to kill myself, because it was all my fault. But what stopped me from doing so? I found out Okaasan was pregnant. Pregnant with you. I felt so happy, because I was going to be a big brother. And so, the thought of killing myself left me."

He looked at the photograph once again, taking a deep breath to push his sobs away. "Then, when I went to Orange Star, you were inspiration. You inspired me to work hard, so that I would be able to teach you all that you would need to know when the time would come for you to go to school. You inspired me to fight crime, so that you won't have to encounter unpleasant experiences brought about by all those lawbreakers. And your undying support pushed me even more.

"Then, when Buu came, when I was training with the Grand Kai, you were my inspiration, along with Videl. I didn't want you to get into a deadly battle, because you were young and innocent, yet I had no other choice but to let you and Trunks steal time for me. That's why when I returned, I was determined to defeat Buu. Not only because he killed Videl, but because he hurt you. My little brother." He shut his eyes. "I wouldn't be who I am now if it wasn't for you, Goten, because... I would've been dead by now."

**It might have appeared to go unnoticed,  
But I've got it all here in my heart.  
I want you to know the truth,  
I would be nothing without you...**

_"I know, Oniichan. I know," _the younger of the two warriors replied in a soft, soothing tone. The color in his raven eyes was fading, fading slowly, as if he was running low on energy, running low on life force, yet he did not stop smiling. He wanted to give Gohan the support and encouragement he needed, just like any brother would. _"And I'm not mad at you, because I love you. You're my hero. You're my friend. You're my brother."_

That made Gohan shake his head. "You know what, Goten?" he asked, looking up to stare into the other's eyes. "It's the other way around. You're my hero. You're my friend. You're my brother." He smiled, matching the one his little brother gave out. "You gave me everything I wanted from you, yet asked nothing in return. How I wish I could be like you!"

The smile on the eighteen-year-old's face turned bitter.

But the other demi-saiyajin didn't seem to notice it. He was too overwhelmed by the realization that struck through his heart, and he was determined to tell his brother all about it. Just like he used to, many years back. " You're carefree, and you don't seem to be worried about anything. That smile you have? It's always on your face. I could never do that," he said with a proud smile. "You live in an age where there are no troubles. No Freeza. No Cell. Then, Okaasan's not forcing you to study all the time. When you want to hang out with your friends, you can. Me? I didn't even have friends --- at least, not someone like Trunks, who you have known ever since you were a baby."

_"In short?"_

"In short, you're exactly what I want to be."

At that, younger demi-saiyajin looked up, exposing to his brother the sardonic smile that did not seem to match his soft, raven eyes. That was when Gohan felt that something was wrong, very wrong, with the expression Goten was sporting, and his suspicions were confirmed when the other asked, _"What, dead?"_

**Did you ever know that you're my hero?  
And everything I would like to be?  
I could fly higher than an eagle,  
For you are the wind beneath my wings...**

Gohan took a step back, his face paling considerably and his eyes flying wide open in shock. And at that very moment, everything came crashing down on him, everything that had happened in the days that passed. That dreadful day when he last saw his little brother, who was on his way to the library to do some research with his tutor, a classmate of his who Gohan suspected to be his new girlfriend. And that dreadful night when he received a phone call from the hospital, the phone call that brought the news of his brother's death.

It only took a heart attack to kill the eighteen-year-old demi-saiyajin. He had long been suffering from a heart disease, brought about by a virus --- the very same one that nearly killed their father, if not for the medicine Trunks from the future brought with him when he warned them about the androids. 

Goten knew... but he never said a word.

The older Son stared at the figure in front of him in disbelief. What was going on? Was his dead brother haunting him? Was he hallucinating? His mind spun, confusion hitting him from all directions, and as he continued to absorb what was going on, hoping to understand what was going on, the image of his deceased brother began to fade away, fading away to join the rest of the world. "Goten!" he finally called out, unable to stop himself any longer. "What's going on?! Are you... are you just a hallucination?!"

_"Yup. I'm a hallucination, all right," _the withering figure that resembled Son Goten, Gohan's eighteen-year-old brother who died of a heart attack a few days back, replied with an affectionate smile, his expressive black eyes locked on the other demi-saiyajin. And as he became nothing but a wisp in the morning air, his voice pointed out, _"That means you're talking to yourself..._

_"...and that means what I'm saying is what _you _believe."_

**Yes, you are the wind beneath my wings.**


End file.
